I am getting much more cantankerous in my middle age than I ever anticipated I would. My trajectory, if it is to hold, would put me somewhere between JK Simmon’s character in Whiplash and a rabid badger by the time I am 60. I am finding my ability to abide stupidity, hypocrisy and all the other seasonings of human society to be eroding at an alarming pace. One thing, above all, is really irking me since the election on Nov. 5th. I don’t know if the folks I am about to call out have an official title, but for the sake of this piece, I am going to call them fartweasels. Fartweasels, because their opinions and the saccharine, unbelievably lame takes that define their online existence are stinky. Weasels because why not. Who am I referring to? The most insufferable group of people in the American electorate; the middle-way folks. You know the type. The people who post memes and videos and blurbs about how both sides of the political aisle are in cahoots with each other. About how politics is all BS and it is a very small cadre of elites who actually run the proverbial “show” behind the scenes.

What’s the difference, man? Both the dems and republicans are full of shit. We are all screwed!

What unbelievably sage wisdom. I know this is forward, but can you light me on fire and then use the flames to light your cigar? That is how much lower on the intellectual totem pole I am than you. Actually, if you could pee on me to put out the flames, then I think we’d really have something here. Nostradamus, The Oracle at Delphi, Einstein, Aquinas… all mouth-breathing sludge donkeys compared to you. In fact, when you posted that status, I bet Thomas Payne, Abraham Lincoln, John Adams, etc. rose from their graves and started doing the Macarena. Alexis de Tocqueville cried with pride.

Or, shut up you absolute droog.

Who wakes up and decides to personify Switzerland? More to the point, who then decides to declare their lazy neutrality to the world in order to gain some sort of social currency? Dopes. That’s who. Most Americans are well-aware that our elected leaders couldn’t care less about us. It’s the people that think our legislators care about anything more than their own political ambitions are the ones that are scarily stupid. I will admit that at the local level, most elected folks are interested in actual practical change in their neighborhoods and larger communities. But these people are usually busybody types and who needs that. At the national level, every single politician is an awful scumbag. Even your favorite. Publicly acknowledging something we all know is infuriating. Breaking news: getting dehydrated can lead to a pretty nasty headache, so I don’t condone it.

Look, I loathe amateur activists. But the fact of the matter is that we now live in a culture and time, where everyone feels compelled to explain to their followers and friends on social media how they vote, what they eat, what they read and where they take a shit. So, I do understand why folks who aren’t all that interested in politics would find the middle-road, jaded teenager approach to elections and legislation to be appealing. It gives you a point of view without the added necessity of having skin in the game. You can thumb off all political questions with a rousing “who cares, dude”. But here is the thing: you could simply do that anyway without periodically broadcasting that you are a pupil of the Jeff Spicolian school of American political philosophy. Just ignore the question. Move on. It is a lesson we can all take at times. If we don’t have anything to say about something, there is no shame in saying simply that.

It is ok not to be an expert.