Is there anything worse than someone who turns every topic of discussion into something political? I submit that there are many, many things worse. Attacks by swarms of fire ants, having to endure a laborious lecture on why Taylor Swift is important in today’s world, buttercream frosting… these are just a few that come to mind. That being said, it is absolutely exhausting trying to navigate the nuances of everyday chit-chat these days. What ought to be innocuous piffle about the weather inevitably becomes an analysis of climate change as a byproduct of white supremacy and how the patriarchy is responsible for everything from volcanic eruptions to bad breath. So, why are we the way we are? More importantly perhaps, what can you do in order to stave off insanity for another day or two? Let’s see if I can help at all.

First off, the question of “how we got here” is sort of laughable. To think that we are worse off now than every other time in human existence is incredibly arrogant. Human beings have this innate desire to look at their own struggles, trials and tribulations as the worst in all of human history. Somehow, religious people demonstrating outside of abortion clinics has become worse than the ancestors of those folks hanging people for witchcraft. The irony is that if any of these perennially upset goobers ever actually read a book about history that wasn’t written by someone with more concern about commentary than context, they’d realize their ersatz sense of horror was well, ersatz. Do we argue a lot? Yes. Do we argue more? Probably. The rise of social media has created a landscape where we can argue about absolutely anything with strangers whenever we’d like. Now, you’d think that simply arguing with a stranger would be something most folks would like to avoid. But to the contrary, it has become so de rigueur for the socially conscious true believer, that it ought to have a spot in the Olympics. The reason for this, in my mind, is that our lives have become so soft, that the natural human desire for conflict, struggle and finding meaning in both are squirting out of our fingers and onto our screens in the form of half-researched gobbledy gook and snark. It is not rocket science. People, especially young people, are bored. They are bored because they are the first generation of young adults who had every single moment of their lives planned for them in advance. They were never allowed to scrape their knees because they were forced to wear knee and elbow pads to bed. People thrive on conflict. Many moons ago, the daily business of keeping yourself alive was all the conflict you needed. Now, we have refrigerators, HVAC, indoor plumbing, dollar menus and Tylenol. The life of a working-class person in the United States is ten times better than the life of a wealthy person in the United States 100 years ago. Humans have come a long way, but we are still essentially the same animal as we always have been, at least instinctively. Conflict now comes in the form of appropriated righteous indignation and an almost admirable sense of self-importance made manifest in poorly worded arguments, memes and pseudo-activism.

So, what do you do in order to maintain sanity? Ignore “them”. Ignore the always aggrieved of all political bends and stripes and if you can manage to avoid acknowledging their existence at all, even better. More than half of these folks are suffering from nearly fatal levels of Dunning Kruger delusions and the rest are usually super boring. I know that it is nearly impossible to ignore these types these days because they make it part of their “activism” (boy, do I use that term lightly) to make sure everyone knows how upset they are. But give it a shot anyway. If you can’t, simply agree and move on. Don’t engage with the intention of changing their minds. It is as pointless as telling someone they ought to listen to jazz instead of rock. These causes are fashion. They are performance art. Tell someone their favorite movie sucks and see how viscerally they react. It is the same principle. Causes now are much more about how they make the individual ally feel after the fact than about actually helping the people they purport to care about. Every generation needs its own fashion trend. This generation has chosen the downtrodden. Which would actually be wonderful if any of the incredible amount of energy expended on these causes did a damn thing to help anyone other than the protestor. Remember, marginalized folks, your disenfranchisement gives boring people a reason to get up in the morning and meaning in their lives. I guess they at least owe you for that. What to do about the ever-whiney? Feel sorry for them, say a prayer, flip a coin into a fountain, whatever floats your boat and then move on with your life. So, what if the lunatics end up running the asylum? Would you even really notice a difference?